Introduction | Chapter One: Getting Settled
The History of Scarborough
Uprightly and Faithfully Documented by
Mephistophicles, Phookik Archivist
Getting Settled and Acquainted with the Indigenous Flora and Fauna
In February of Two Thousand Five a large introductory crew of the family arrived and set about putting together residence and importance in the town of
Scarborough. The family was faced with many obstacles in becoming established in this brave new frontier, but under the wise direction of Il Papa, we of
course triumphed heroically as only a Phookik can.
One of the biggest problems the PNE faced initially was a general feeling of ill will towards Phookik. Despite many declarations of our non-food status and
our charming and gregarious personalities, we were threatened, attacked, defrauded, and instructed very impolitely on multiple occasions in that first
months residence. The ill feeling towards Phookik seems to be related to a previous Phookik (not related in any way we assure you, dear reader) who made
himself unwelcome by being sneaky, tricksy, rude, and wamboozley to the population. Though the PNE devoted tireless efforts towards reinstating the good
name of Phookik-kind in Scarborough, there remain many even to this the present day who seem to consider us entrees.
It is worth noting here that the PNE almost immediately encountered one exceptionally delightful Phookik lady by the name of Happy, who was utterly
delighted to encounter others of like ear-length, and who has become AMF (AlMostFamily) to to the PNE in the time since. Hearing the very sad tale of
Happy's own family being not quite clever enough not to be fed to the fairies, the PNE was glad to incorporate her into many of our activities - Nap Time,
marching, eating, seminars, and the like.
It was during one of these seminars that one of the more unpleasant early incidents occurred. The young man who had come to be known to the PNE immediately
as Only Child for his own terrible tale of siblingless woe, decided it would be useful to help instruct our new friend Happy in the manners of the minor
healing skills involved in first aid. To help demonstrate this, Only Child - not having any manners taught to him by siblings obviously - decided to conk us
over the heads one by one and even cut us up and do horrible things, just to show Happy how to fix it.
Though many efforts were made by Phookik after Phookik to heroically intervene in this dreadful process, Only Child and his Cohort the Big Mischtuk
eventually had all of the PNE there present piled in a heap in the corner snoring like babies and much the worse for wear. It was at this time that we truly
became aware of one of our biggest and bestest allies, as a chap named Kill..something (who later would become known to the PNE as Lawgiver, based on some
corrections to the laws given us by lawgiver number one and the ceasing to exist thereof) came and fixed us right up. To hear it told, he even shouted a
whole bunch at the offending offenders, and all was then well. And that, for certain, never happened ever again.
At another time, great white monsters with long sharp teeth knocked on our door wanting to play a game. Happily some of the PNE obliged in a fun game of tag
with these walking blizzards, but pretty soon it was clear they didn't want to play, but rather to KILL MAIM MURDER AND DEVOUR us! Much mucking about and
chasing and being drug off and fighting squabbling being chased and murdered and abused ensued, but in the end mr Lawgiver again was of great assistance in
letting the great white blizzard know that she was a very BAD DOG and making her sit in the corner. The other one was just a baby, and babies sometimes mess
up - but the older one still doesn't like us so well.
Numerous other unpleasant things happened over the course of that first month, but the Phookik Nation Emporium stood strong, persevered, and with ears held
high we carved out our own place within the town of Scarborough. And not all was unpleasant! Many very very good things occured as well. After the
misunderstanding with learning first aid, we did in fact make good buddies with the Big Mischtuk, and taught a number of Orcs our favorite game of
Doppleganger Tag. Lots played with us, too! The orcs taught us a nice way to say hello to one another (Don't Die!) and were generally very much fun and
sporting amusement (though they did try to trick us into thinking they were monsters once.) The PNE sang a great deal, marched very well, and had several
extremely satisfying naps. And we saw the most amazingly prettiest most beautiful amazingly wonderful sparkly and gorgeous tree, named Ivy, who's pretty.
Oh, and monsters attacked, but like sensible Phookik we steered clear of that nonsense. Please stay tuned!
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